Worst Fear Imagined

Can you imagine?  When I first moved to south Florida three years ago I was adamant about not going in the water because of my fear of sharks.  I was slowly coaxed over that fear and had even gone snorkeling in the Bahamas where I thought I might have seen a shark and I panicked. Just When I Thought It Was Safe.

Ultimately nothing happened.  I was rescued by a life guard on a jet ski.  I’m still not sure if I had seen a shark or a barracuda. To me it didn’t matter. Fear is fear.  Last week that fear surfaced again when I saw on the news that a kiteboarder was killed an hour north of Ft. Lauderdale in Stuart, Florida,  from injuries sustained by multiple sharks believed to be juvenile Great Whites by some.

Last summer I stumbled across  a fisherman’s blog here in Ft. Lauderdale, because I was googling Great White’s after Shark Week on the Discovery Channel.  The story read that a Great White was spotted last Spring a half mile off the coastline of  Ft. Lauderdale Florida.  The people that chartered the fishing boat and the owner of the fishing boat were able to get close enough to see it was definitely a Great White. 

New information is surfacing that juvenile Great Whites migrate here to the warmer water.  According to Scientist Grant Gilmore who investigated a 1998 fatality here, who said the bite wounds could be compared AND determined to characteristic bite patterns of a specific species.  He also told the Sun Sentinel ” The only other species that gathers in abundance out there in the winter are the juvenile great white sharks.”  No word on the fatal bite wounds yet.

As you probably noticed the video above didn’t mention what type of sharks were thought to have attacked him. The  story also didn’t report that the next day,  in Palm Beach Inlet, not far from where the attack occurred,  hundreds of sharks were spotted along the shore. I found these photos online while I was searching for videos of the story.

(photos by Deborah Silver)

1.) Do you think these were juvenile Great Whites?

2.) Would one fatality known to be an ambush attack scare you enough to stay out of the water?

3.) Do you think the media hides information like this from us to not cause  panic or keep tourists away?

Who’s Your Celebrity Look Alike?

When I was in my twenties I was told quite often that I looked like Susanna Hoffs from the Bangles.

Who’s your celebrity look alike?

Scared?

What’s the worst thing you’ve ever done to scare someone?

Breaking News…The Snuggie Suit

Yes, that’s right ladies… the Snugge has evolved.  You can get this hot new number at JC Penny’s for $24.99.  I guess we were tired of tripping over our Snuggies and catching our sleeves on fire while making a cup of tea.  Personally, I have to say it’s much cuter than the designer Snuggies and it definitely sends your man a message.  There’s no “pretending” you have a headache while wearing fleece aphrodisiac.  As unattractive as the Snuggie is, it’s still fairly easy access!

 As much as I want to believe it won’t happen,  I expect to see some assclowns women sporting them at the super market. Maybe a lady or two walking her dog while wearing one.  I only hope the pooch doesn’t have a matching one!

Worse yet, would be if they also have it available for men. Lawdy, they’d look like a bad terry cloth version of Elvi jumpsuits!

And I thought I was getting creative with a belted designer Snuggie.

1.) Do you have an original or designer Snuggie?

2.) Would you purchase a Snuggie Suit?

3.) Would you wear it to the supermarket or any other public place?

4.) Would you attend a Snuggie Pub Crawl in your city?

Super Bowl Commercials

With the Super bowl ony weeks away I thought this would be a good time to see what are some of people’s favorite Super bowl commercials.

I’m not much of a football fan but I do like to watch the commericals.  This is one of my favorites.  Please feel free to share one as well.

“Fix Yourself Girl…You’ve Got A Cameltoe!”

Have you ever looked at someone and noticed that they were sporting a “cameltoe?” For those of you who have no idea what I’m talking about please refer to the pictures below…

At this point I think it’s self explanatory, but just for fun, let’s review it’s meaning.  According to the latest definition of Wikipedia, a ‘Cameltoe’ “is a slang term that refers to the outline of the female labia majora when seen through tight form-fitting clothes.”

As an added bonus definition did you know the male equivalent to a cameltoe is a moose knuckle?…hmmm the things you learn from Wikipedia.

Now, it’s not like I’ve never put on a tight pair of jeans and looked in a full length mirror and saw them riding up my crotch. What did I do boys and girls? That’s right…I took those jeans off and threw them away!

Anyway, that was even before the term was coined or sung on “The Bob and Tom Show.” So by now ladies, I think it’s fairly safe to say that we all know what the cameltoe is and WHY we shouldn’t be sporting one.  But just in case your mother dropped you on your head when you were a baby, here are some more pointers to really drive it home.

First, and most importantly, it’s not an attractive look. People will most definitely be looking at you and snickering behind your back.

Secondly, guess what?…I think that point #1 stands alone and doesn’t need backup. However, if you’re donning a pair of tight-fitting pants or shorts and it looks like your crotch is trying to eat your pants do EVERYONE a favor and take them off. Give them to Goodwill or the Salvation Army. bBut don’t wear them. At least not out in public!

A few ways to try and avoid this disastardly wardrobe malfunction is to avoid buying high-waisted jeans, or what’s more commonly referred to as, “Mom Jeans.”

Incidentally, I was actually at this concert, in which Jessica Simpson was later slammed about her weight. Just goes to show you how critical people are. I think Stacy London and Clinton Kelly would even cringe at the site of those horrendous jeans.

Also, when trying on slacks, jeans, or shorts make sure you’re looking in a full length mirror. This may later help avoid any embarrassing laughter at your expense. Don’t be scared of it. It’s your friend.

Another helpful tip is…and I know this one is hard to remember…don’t buy pant’s that are TOO TIGHT!

Now that you’ve been armed with some savy shopping and wardrobe tips for pants, you can help cut back and maybe even eliminate this horrible epidemic that is sweeping the nation and making other’s point to you and and say…”Fix yourself girl, you’ve got a cameltoe!”

Kitchen Bitch

Today’s been a wierd day. Nothing seems to have gone normal today starting with a surprise meeting at work to me stalking a coupla UPS drivers to track down my Target packages. So I come home from work with a check list of chores and errands I need to accomplish before I turn in from this strange and mentally exhausting day.

I begin with dragging in two large packages from Target that UPS left at my back door.  Those packages contain my two brown and blue leaf accent chairs that my boyfriend begged me not to buy and swore  he’d never allow his ass to touch. We’ll see!    They need assembling and I swear I’m going to get on that right after I change out of my work clothes and take down my Christmas tree to make room for the chairs. 

But before I begin that, I really need to get to the grocery store because I had to eat a slice of swiss cheese, Doritos, and a candy bar for lunch for lack of better nutrients in my kitchen.  I’m also on my last full bottle of water.  Luckily, I find a few bottles of water scattered throughout my place with a few swigs left in them and manage to combine them all in one bottle to stretch out the supply a bit. 

Before I leave for the store I NEED to get online and check my email, which leads to checking my Facebook and Myspace account, which leads to having to check my WordPress blog and reply to the comments left.  Fast foward to 3 hours later… while I sip on the combined scraps of backwashed H2O… I finally admit that I’m not gonna make it anywhere but to the kitchen. I dig deep in the cabinetry for something to eat.

It was slim pickins’ I tell ya.  I grab some instant white rice with less than a cup left.  I open the freezer and rummage through and pull out a hunk of frozen kielbasa.  I’d bought it for New Years Day. I never got around to making it.  Procrastinate much????  I grab the last 3 slices of Kraft American cheese out of the fridge.

Okay, I can do this.  I fry the kielbasa up in a frying pan. Dump in some salt and boil the rice in a glass dish in the microwave.  The whole cooking process takes about 10 minutes flat including melting the cheese in the rice and cutting up the meat and tossing it in the rice and cheese mixture.

Viola~ a meal made in less than 15 minutes from cabinets to plate.  Hold on to your Rachel Ray “Yumm-0’s” folks cuz the only show this meal was fit for is …

That’s right I’m pretty sure I could secure a spot AND championship on Food Network’s new show “Worst Cooks in America.” This dish was absolutely horrid. Blechhhhh! My tastebuds were committing suicide when I put the first bite on my palate. I may as well have dumped the rice in the the salt shaker. The presentation was nothing to write Paula Deen about either.

This clearly was not a good decision at all. Please excuse me while I go barf.

1.) What’s the worst meal you’ve ever cooked?
2.) Are you a procrasinator too?
3.) Do you ever get online thinking you will only be there for a few minutes and end up spending hours?

An Ounce Of Prevention Might Not Cure A Gram of Fecal Matter

I’m somewhat of a neurotic bitch germaphobe. Okay, maybe not to the extreme that most germaphobes probably are, but I certainly can obsess about germs at times thinking how they are at risk for making me sick.  Being a Registered Nurse I also know that bacteria is an important part of building our immune systems.  The more you try to fight off bacteria and viruses with antibacterials the more they can mutate, become resistant , and potentially become stronger.  So yeah, bacteria is good in a sense that if we overkill, our immune systems won’t know how to fight off infection.

Some bacteria I can live with, but I recently read an article that surveyed women about wearing their dirty laundry in their hampers.  Some of those women admitted to re-wearing their panties if their laundry wasn’t clean.  The study went on to say that they tested women’s underwear for bacteria and found shockingly alarming percentages of fecal matter in their panties.  Duh!!!!! 

After reading that I started googling a whole bunch of shit, information to see what else could invisibly be lurking around my house.  Studies conducted showed that a single pair of underwear can contain anywhere from one-tenth to 10 grams of fecal matter.  I’d like to think that the 10 grams belonged to skivvies owned by a male.

Worse yet, is when we go to wash those fecal contaminated underwear,  it then transfers to our other clothes in the washer.   And god forbid you forget to take the laundry promptly from the washer to the dryer.  The longer it sits the more bacteria spreads.  I’m so guilty of that.  I’ve at times had to wash a single load through 3 cycles after letting it fester in the washer. Apparently, they still aren’t getting clean.

Underwear should always be washed separately in at least 150 degrees of hot water.  According to www.naturalhandyman.com a hot water heater should be set to no less than 130 degrees to kill bacteria.  Who’s right?  150 degrees will burn your skin off in the shower and 130 degrees seems not hot enough to kill the bacteria.  Which leads me to my next question.

Why haven’t our chemists at the laundry detergent lab invented antibacterial laundry solutions that disinfect in cold water?  Is that asking too much…. that I not walk around believing my clothes are clean but actually are contaminated with my own fecal matter?    Sure, sheets, towels, and whites get the hot water treatment with bleach added to the whites, but c’mon I’m a woman washing my delicate colors in hot water will fade them.  I don’t really want to order my anti-bacterial laundry detergent at a whopping sixty bucks a pop, I want to go to Wal-mart and grab it off the shelf people.  Suffice it to say, looks like I’ll be spraying Lysol on my panties before washing them now, or boiling them on the stove!

Lets, move from the laundry room to the kitchen shall we.  Studies have shown that more bacteria lurk in our sinks and countertops in the kitchen than in the bathroom.  Why, because we clean our bathrooms more throughly and frequently than our kitchens.  Raw meats and vegetables harbor many bacteria that can make us sick, especially when hiding on the faucet and down drains and the disposal.  The kitchen I’m not so worried about. Oh, don’t forget to wash those sponges a few times a week in the dishwasher and use a new dish clothes every day.

Moving on to the bathroom, even though studies conducted on both public and home toilets have shown less bacteria than our kitchen sinks as stated above, I read something very disturbing.  Which before I get to that…have you heard people?…public toilet seats are cleaner than your home sinks.   So stop pissing on them making it miserable for the next user.  Of more concern, when we flush our toilets  little particles of water contaminated with fecal matter stay suspended in the air and eventually fall on to our toothbrushes.  Ewwwww.  Looks like I’ll be storing my tooshbrush in a plastic bubble from now on!

And while I’m on the subject, why are we still wiping our bums with toilet paper after number two?  That is disgusting!!!  Our babies who crap their diapers are getting cleaner bums than we have.  We don’t wipe them with toilet paper…we clean them with baby wipes.  “Eureka….maybe if I wipe my rear with a wet cloth instead of smearing  poo all over I’ll be cleaner and I’ll be the one to test only one-tenth of a gram instead of 10 grams in my undies.”  Therefore, transferring less fecal matter on my wash.  So yep, yours truly only uses toilet paper for number one now.  They sell adult toilet wipes right in the toilet paper aisle now.  Take a gander next time your in the aisle and pick up some.

That is just our homes.  I shudder at the thought of the salad bar/buffet at Old Country Barf-fet, Pizza Slut, and Pondergrossa.  That’s one place you will NEVER EVER find me, at a buffet.  Sneeze guard my ass.  What about the guy who just wiped his ass, didn’t wash his hands, and is now touching the serving utensils at the buffet?  Don’t think you’re safe from bacteria at the soda fountain at the 7-11 either.  You’d vomit at the astronomical number of bacteria found in the pumps.  Oh, and water coolers aren’t any cleaner than water fountains.  Geesh where does it end?

I guess the trick to all of this is wash, wash, and wash those hands.  Especially before you eat.  Studies prove that this is how we ingest most harmful bacteria.  Hand to mouth.  So yeah, we live in a world of billions of bacteria lurking where we can’t see them. Out of sight out of mind right?  Wrong.  Even still, an ounce of prevention might be worth a pound of cure, but I’m pretty sure it can’t cure a gram of fecal matter!

1.) What’s your take on germs?

2.) Do you think about germs on a daily basis?

3.) Do you wash your hands before every meal and after using the restroom?

4.) Do you and/or your family use bottom wipes instead of toilet tissue?

End Of Year Update

Okay, so it’s been a while since I’ve posted a blog.  What with all the holiday activities and errands it left little time to blog.  Alright, alright…I haven’t been THAT busy…maybe more like lazy!  I guess I needed a little break from blogging and the internet in general.

With the new year quickly upon us, I was reflecting on this past year and what’s been going on.  I’ve learned from past experiences not to make New Year’s Resolutions, but instead to just try and better myself and accomplish more than the year previous.

This past year has been good to me.  Hey, while many people are getting laid off or worse yet fired, I still have a job that is holding strong.  Our firm is still doing a lot of work. I pray this holds up.  My bosses and most everyone I work with are like an extended part of my family.  So for that I’m very grateful.

I’ve been dating a great guy for over a year.  I couldn’t ask for a better boyfriend or partner.  He’s respectful, kind, caring, funny, understanding, but still acts like a man.  You gotta love that.  He’s a great gift giver too.  He’s very thoughtful and pays attention to me and my needs.  For instance,  I always say how I want to get an electric fireplace for my apartment, well he got me one for Christmas and I love it!  It was a surprise, he had me fooled because the wrapped box looked and felt like a new TV. I was so surprised when I opened it.   You might be thinking is this chick crazy?  She lives in freakin South Florida. Why on Earth would she need a fireplace?  The aesthetics it provides a room for one, is warm and inviting.  It also has an option of heat or no heat…so it’s practical as well. 

 

I got to go home and visit my kids and family for Christmas.  That was like the coolest gift ever.  Last year I spent Christmas alone in my apartment crying and watching 24 hours of A Christmas Story.  Well, I wasn’t completely alone, the Palmetto Bugs that were infested in my apartment tried to keep me company.  Yes,  I’ve since moved out of that studio and into a one bedroom condo.  It’s nice to know I don’t have creepy crawlers scurrying around my condo at night.

Being there with my kids was the most special gift of all.  Especially since my son will be leaving for Afghanistan in about 5 weeks.  I won’t get to see him until October.  I was proud and surprised that I didn’t cry when I said goodbye to him before I came back home.  I didn’t want him to feel bad for me.  I know it’s going to be hard enough for him leaving his girlfriend and family, but I’m sure he’s scared of the unknown as well.  I won’t dwell on this much more.  I’m sure I will have a good cry when he actually leaves and throughout his tour.  I’m so proud of him and all our service men and women.   Yes, this past Christmas was more than special.

I’ve been trying to get my 16 year old daughter to move here for the longest time.  She just won’t make the move.  She feels that it’s too far from her family and my daughter is very close with my sisters and her cousins and grandparents.  She needs to be around them.  She currently lives with her dad but he has some issues with addiction that have gotten worse over the years.  She’s not in a healthy environment so my sister and her husband have offered to take her in and send her to private school.  Since she won’t move here we all feel it’s in her best interest.  I’m so grateful to my family for all that they do.  She will be moving in with them after the new year and starting school.  Although, I’m pretty sure she has taken up residence there since Christmas Vacation began.  I’m also very proud of my daughter. 

My children are the best two things I did right in my life.  I’ve made many mistakes along the way, but when I look at them, I know I must have done something right because they are both such great kids.

My sisters and my parents are also a huge part of my life.  My dad was recently diagnosed with Alzheimer’s a few months ago.  I wasn’t surprised because I suspected it as a lot of the signs were there.  It’s just sad and scary to me that he possibly won’t remember who we are in years to come.  I can’t worry about that now, but I can treasure every moment I get to spend with my family.

Yes, I had many blessings and great things happen to me this past year.  There were also surprises along the way but life is a journey not a destination right?  I wouldn’t trade it or my family for anything!  I’m looking forward to the new year ahead and I wish you all a blessed and Happy New Year.

Sherri’s Holiday Time Saving Tips

It’s the time of year that most people adore because of that extra special time spent with family and friends….unless that sort of thing gets on your nerves too! So who has time to do everything?

Since most of us are all so busy preparing for the holidays occupied with activities such as shopping, baking, decorating, writing holiday greetings, parties, etc, who has time to clean the house?  Frankly, who even wants to or enjoys cleaning the house, for that matter?

I say there are far more important things to tend to during the holiday season.  The dust, laundry, and cluttered dirty rooms will still be there long after the tree has been hauled to the curb and the holiday decorations have been tucked neatly and ever so gently back away.

Yes folks, here are Sherri’s holiday time-saving cleaning tips…..because you know company is coming over and you must have the illusion that you’re not living in the pigsty your mother always maintained you would live in while growing up.

Employ the family pet as the vacuum…hey they’re animals, their stomachs are probably built like a billy goat’s anyway.

Hand everyone a pair of Holiday socks the moment they walk in the door. This substitutes as a great way to swiffer the hard wood and tile floors. In the event you’re not fortunate enough to have either of the two….no worries that’s what 2 way masking tape is for.  Simply put the tape on the bottom of everyone’s socks.

In order to save time in the kitchen, move in an older resident and call Meals on Wheels.  If you have a large family you’ll have to compensate by figuring out how many older folks you will need in order to split the proportions equally among all family members.

Let the pets lick the dishes before they go into the dishwasher…that way they are also getting fed too. You’re essentially killing two birds with one stone here. If you don’t have a dishwasher…..that’s where those old folks come in handy.  It’s the holidays people….ya gotta be innovative!

Who will ever really know, unless there are stains on the clothing, that you simply folded the dirty laundry and just put it back?

 

And for those nasty toilet bowl stains….again, just let the pets lick the bowl clean….chances are, they already drink out of it anyway!

There you have it, Sherri’s holiday time-saving cleaning tips. I hope you all have a wonderful upcoming holiday season. And if you have any time-saving tips to add I’d like to hear.